Okay, so this could be interpreted so many different ways but to me this means every little and every big aspect of you and your life is devoted to God. Every. Single. Part.
I have struggled with fear pretty much my whole life. I went through a phase of panic attacks where my arms would go numb. My heart would beat relentlessly. My stomach would turn. I would feel dizzy. I couldn’t breathe. These panic attacks were one of the worst things I have ever gone through. I could not sleep. I felt trapped in my own skin. I was scared to drive. I was scared to be by myself. I was scared of everything.
Wikipedia says, “Fear is an emotion induced by a perceived threat…In short, fear is the ability to recognize danger leading to an urge to confront it or flee from it (also known as the fight-or-flight response) but in extreme cases of fear (horror and terror) a freeze or paralysis response is possible.”
Fear gripped my soul and choked the joy right out of me. I was paralyzed to react in any healthy way. I was paralyzed to enjoy life and enjoy God. I felt everything was always in danger. Then marriage and children came along and it got worse.
So much worse….
How could I release these loves of my life to God who I can’t see? How?????
God? What are you asking me to do here? I mean these people came out of my body? You already got one, how can I trust you with my other 2 daughters and my husband? Mackenzy is already with you so how can I be sure you won’t take other people from me? Please tell me how because I would love to?
Okay God? Now people get in car accidents, have serious heart defects, and get diseases? Why is this still happening? I don’t get it! Cancer just sucks! Sorry for the bad word there, mom J If you love me why is all this happening? I mean I devoted my life to you and you take my daughter? Give another daughter a severe heart defect? Give me this awful panic disorder? Give my mom Lupus and a million other problems? Give my husband skin cancer? At least ¼ of everyone I know has cancer. I mean what?!?!?!?!
Then came obedience…
“Kristy? My daughter, trust me with everything!”
(The) radically obedient woman realizes she is righteous and will find God’s best when she pursues right choices that bring glory to Him. ~Lysa TerKeurst in What Happens When Women Say Yes to God.
“Radical obedience is not just following a list of right things to do. (It) is choosing to exchange what is “right” for God’s righteousness. ~Lysa TerKeurst
“There may come a time at some point in your life when you will need to decide between your will & His..” #SayWhat
All of this above was from the enemy. It doesn’t mean it does not still creep its ugly head because it will. Fear will LIE to you. It will deceive you and cheat you out of a joy filled life. It is a gradual renewing of your mind and trusting in Christ that will start to change all of this…
Slow. Gradual. Trusting. Renewing…
I can pinpoint exactly when I started to deeply be transformed. Apparently the enemy had been using salvation as a way of attacking me. I finally received the blessed assurance that I was the daughter of the Most High. We were at a revival in June 2009. I cried the whole service and had this fiery feeling inside. I can’t even describe it. Right before this I had been crying out to God like never before. I was confused and I needed something that said I am saved. There is nothing more that I desire than the Lord. I prayed all the time. I read the Bible everyday nonstop. Back to revival, I walked up to the Pastor that the Lord used to transform me. He put his hands on me and began praying and then speaking in tongues. He said more Lord more Lord. He told me to quit doubting and keep being hungry in the WORD. BAM! I wept in joy. There it was. I had waited my whole life for this moment. That blessed assurance that I was His. After this, you would not have known who I was.
Honestly, these questions will still cross my mind until I intentionally take them captive. I have claimed myself a Christian since I was 11 BUT only recently have I started the intentional and daily journey of being #wholly committed.
So Yes Lord! I am wholly yours. I am wholly committed. I wholly trust You with everything! I release my family to You and trust….I certainly think the Creator of the Universe can handle my family. Even if it means they are not here with me on earth. Giving God everything is so risky but you have to trust so radically that it doesn’t matter because you trust that He knows best…
I am only here on this earth for a short time and my purpose here is to serve Jesus Christ who shed His precious blood and died a brutal death for me. All of these little deaths to myself feel like big deaths until I let go, now I am like that wasn’t bad.
I read in Anything by Jennie Allen that the very thought of doing anything demands everything! I am there. I am ready. God, anything and I say YES!
John 14:6 tells us, “I am the way. I am truth. I am life.” Think about that….really think about that.
Jennie Allen sums it up best, “Stepping out wholly dependent on God to COME THROUGH, stepping away from what is SECURE and comfortable exposes the holes in our faith. And then if God comes through, it expands our faith. Something about stepping off cliffs where God leads allows God the opportunity to move in greater ways. When we step off and he shows up, we see him differently than we would if we were standing looking over the edge.” UHHHH WHOA