#Wholly Committed

wholly committed

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#Wholly Committed

 

Okay, so this could be interpreted so many different ways but to me this means every little and every big aspect of you and your life is devoted to God. Every. Single. Part.

 

I have struggled with fear pretty much my whole life. I went through a phase of panic attacks where my arms would go numb. My heart would beat relentlessly. My stomach would turn. I would feel dizzy. I couldn’t breathe. These panic attacks were one of the worst things I have ever gone through. I could not sleep. I felt trapped in my own skin. I was scared to drive. I was scared to be by myself. I was scared of everything.

 

Wikipedia says, Fear is an emotion induced by a perceived threat…In short, fear is the ability to recognize danger leading to an urge to confront it or flee from it (also known as the fight-or-flight response) but in extreme cases of fear (horror and terror) a freeze or paralysis response is possible.”

Fear gripped my soul and choked the joy right out of me. I was paralyzed to react in any healthy way. I was paralyzed to enjoy life and enjoy God. I felt everything was always in danger. Then marriage and children came along and it got worse.

 

So much worse….

 

How could I release these loves of my life to God who I can’t see? How?????

 

God? What are you asking me to do here? I mean these people came out of my body? You already got one, how can I trust you with my other 2 daughters and my husband? Mackenzy is already with you so how can I be sure you won’t take other people from me? Please tell me how because I would love to?

 

Okay God? Now people get in car accidents, have serious heart defects, and get diseases? Why is this still happening? I don’t get it! Cancer just sucks! Sorry for the bad word there, mom J If you love me why is all this happening? I mean I devoted my life to you and you take my daughter? Give another daughter a severe heart defect? Give me this awful panic disorder? Give my mom Lupus and a million other problems? Give my husband skin cancer? At least ¼ of everyone I know has cancer. I mean what?!?!?!?!

 

Then came obedience…

 

“Kristy? My daughter, trust me with everything!”

 

Radical obedience…

(The) radically obedient woman realizes she is righteous and will find God’s best when she pursues right choices that bring glory to Him. ~Lysa TerKeurst in What Happens When Women Say Yes to God.

 

“Radical obedience is not just following a list of right things to do. (It) is choosing to exchange what is “right” for God’s righteousness. ~Lysa TerKeurst

 

“There may come a time at some point in your life when you will need to decide between your will & His..” #SayWhat

 

All of this above was from the enemy. It doesn’t mean it does not still creep its ugly head because it will. Fear will LIE to you. It will deceive you and cheat you out of a joy filled life. It is a gradual renewing of your mind and trusting in Christ that will start to change all of this…

 

Slow. Gradual. Trusting. Renewing…

 

I can pinpoint exactly when I started to deeply be transformed. Apparently the enemy had been using salvation as a way of attacking me. I finally received the blessed assurance that I was the daughter of the Most High. We were at a revival in June 2009. I cried the whole service and had this fiery feeling inside. I can’t even describe it. Right before this I had been crying out to God like never before. I was confused and I needed something that said I am saved. There is nothing more that I desire than the Lord. I prayed all the time. I read the Bible everyday nonstop.  Back to revival, I walked up to the Pastor that the Lord used to transform me. He put his hands on me and began praying and then speaking in tongues. He said more Lord more Lord. He told me to quit doubting and keep being hungry in the WORD. BAM! I wept in joy. There it was. I had waited my whole life for this moment. That blessed assurance that I was His. After this, you would not have known who I was.

 

Honestly, these questions will still cross my mind until I intentionally take them captive. I have claimed myself a Christian since I was 11 BUT only recently have I started the intentional and daily journey of being #wholly committed.

 

So Yes Lord! I am wholly yours. I am wholly committed. I wholly trust You with everything! I release my family to You and trust….I certainly think the Creator of the Universe can handle my family. Even if it means they are not here with me on earth. Giving God everything is so risky but you have to trust so radically that it doesn’t matter because you trust that He knows best…

 

I am only here on this earth for a short time and my purpose here is to serve Jesus Christ who shed His precious blood and died a brutal death for me. All of these little deaths to myself feel like big deaths until I let go, now I am like that wasn’t bad.

 

I read in Anything by Jennie Allen that the very thought of doing anything demands everything! I am there. I am ready. God, anything and I say YES!

 

John 14:6 tells us, “I am the way. I am truth. I am life.” Think about that….really think about that.

Jennie Allen sums it up best, “Stepping out wholly dependent on God to COME THROUGH, stepping away from what is SECURE and comfortable exposes the holes in our faith. And then if God comes through, it expands our faith. Something about stepping off cliffs where God leads allows God the opportunity to move in greater ways. When we step off and he shows up, we see him differently than we would if we were standing looking over the edge.”  UHHHH WHOA

wholly part 3

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17 thoughts on “#Wholly Committed

  1. Thanks for sharing from your heart. Stepping out, trusting , no turning back. Knowing no matter what we face, God is with us and in control. Why do we sometimes find it hard to release our family? Loved this “wholly committed I give my family to You and I release & I trust”.
    Marilyn V

  2. YES YES YES!!! I have a hard time letting go of those I love out of fear of losing them. That was something that really struck me with Lysa’s story about her baby daughter’s surgery and her and her husband making the decision that NO MATTER WHAT, they were going to trust God, even if it meant letting her go- that He loved her even more than they did. Such a beautiful story. I’m learning to let go.

  3. This was so awesome to read. Just like a newborn baby is fully dependent on their parents.’we need to be wholly dependent on God as he is our father. He puts us through trials to stengthen us. As the saying goes he will never give us more then he can handle.

  4. “until I intentionally take them captive.” YES to this!!! I hear you, friend. I do. This trusting and wholly committing every. single. aspect. of our lives… it can cause fear to strike. Thank goodness he gave us Spirit of courage! Love your honesty and willingness to share of your journey to deeper commitment with our God, Kristy. Love it!

  5. I LOVE this post!! Beautifully said, I love the Bible verse John 14:6 “I am the way. I am truth. I am life” It says SO much!

  6. Kristy, thank you for being so open with your testimony, your faith, and your struggles. Your posts move me so much. Fear can be entirely consuming and so hard to fight. Thank you (again) for your words of motivation!

  7. I struggle with “fear” as well, choking the life and joy right out of me at times. I love what you said about fear lies and deceives – so true! I also love the quote you used from Jennie Allen – “the very thought of doing anything demands everything”… As I continue on my faith journey, I’m at a season in life where I have to intentionally determine and push through in order to do things on purpose.

  8. Love this story, Kristy, thanks for sharing!! I love the quotes from Jennie Allen you shared, especially “the very thought of doing anything demands everything”. Something I will remember!!!

  9. Kristy ~ Beautiful post and very timely for me. You sound like a carbon copy of me.. the panic attacks – fear – trouble trusting Him with your family. I can remember a week in the mountains after a terrible panic attack (I resonate with every symptom you described). I wasn’t sure I was going to get there because I couldn’t breathe in the car. I was afraid I would have an attack and wouldn’t be near my doctor or hospital. And then I sat in a cabin in the woods, reading God’s word and finally received a measure of peace. I still struggle. I struggle with the fear of committing my son to His care when he gets deployed. It is a work in progress and I am getting better. Staying in God’s word makes all the difference.

  10. That is a beautiful testimony, Kristy! Thank you for sharing that. My favorite part is “Fear will LIE to you. It will deceive you and cheat you out of a joy filled life.” So true and so easy to forget. But, when we remember, and give it all over to God, we stand #amazed.

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