Psalm 36:7

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Psalm 36:7

 I love unpacking verses. I am not the best at it but it brings me to a new level. A level I need to be on daily.

 NLT says,

How precious is your unfailing love, O God!
All humanity finds shelter
 in the shadow of your wings.”

 

The Message says,

“How exquisite your love, O God!
  How eager we are to run under your wings,
To eat our fill at the banquet you spread
  as you fill our tankards with Eden spring water.
You’re a fountain of cascading light,
  and you open our eyes to light.”

Albert Barnes said, “It is not in his justice that we can take refuge, for we are sinners, but the foundation of all our hope is his mercy. A holy creature could fly to a holy creator for refuge and defence…but the refuge of a sinner, as such, is only his mercy…(Opening Up Psalms)

 

God is a merciful God. Thank you, Lord for your mercy. We have hope, ya’ll. I mean seriously we can take REFUGE in our LIVING God. When we are in the shadows we will abide. When we are impatient then we need to rest in Yahweh. We need to wait. We need to be calm while we wait in faith.

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When my 2nd daughter was stillborn…I was so mad.  I never thought I would recover. I did not want to take refuge in a God that took my child! I’ll never forget…

 

I looked at my husband and gave him a look and instantly in my head kept repeating, “please God, please God, please God, not my baby.” My husband jumped up and grabbed my hand.  My doctor did not look concerned yet and hooked up the ultrasound machine.  There was our sweet angel on the screen but the baby was lifeless.  He just said I am so sorry over and over.  

 

I went into an instant daze.  I felt not of this world, I was shocked, I was confused, I was so mad, and I could not believe it. God, why did you take my baby? What did I do wrong? I remember sitting there with my doctor holding one hand and my husband holding the other and I just didn’t believe it.  They said they were going to put me on the 3D machine just to make sure and I kept thinking, God make this a miracle.   Please God, I know nothing is impossible.  I refused to believe it.  After seeing the FLAT line beep across the screen where my little girl’s heartbeat should of been, I felt my life being pulled right from under me.  Why? How? What?

 

I was told time heals all wounds…blah blah blah

 

I was quoted every scripture known for grieving mothers. Blah blah blah

 

I was still angry. I thought of all the people who I did not think deserved their babies.  Facebook was like the worse possible thing for the first few weeks.  Everyone seemed to be pregnant and talking about it and I just wanted them to all be quiet.  

 

It was only when I slowly started to grasp (which I still have to do on a daily basis) that God’s LOVE is enough. He is enough, ya’ll!!! As believers we should give everything to God. All. Of. Our. Pain. All. Of. Our. Hurt. His Grace is sufficient everyday and in every circumstance. Whatever we are missing in this world, we can be sure we are missing nothing in Him. I had to get to a point to trust…like an uncontrollable radical, crazy, over the top, INTENSE trust. A trust that says NO MATTER WHAT happens even now with my amazing husband and two beautiful daughters, NO MATTER what…I T-R-U-S-T YOU!

 

This is hard. This is gut wrenching sometimes. God is a God of inexhaustible goodness no matter what our life may “look” like to us.  With God at the throne of His precious Grace, we will find mercy.

 

Mercy: compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one’s power to punish or harm.

 

Oh, how selfish I have been. Oh, how self-pity took my soul over and pleased the enemy. Look to God. Remember, we love God more than our husbands, children, friends, parents, and so on.

 

There will forever be pain in this world. Pain we will never understand but take heart sisters…in heaven where our merciful God reigns in eternity is perfection and complete satisfaction.

 

Under the shadow of His wings…We will abide. We will take refuge until these trials have passed by. Cover me….Cover me, Lord………

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At His Feet grateful & trusting,

Kristy

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31 thoughts on “Psalm 36:7

  1. Oh Kristy I felt your heartache and disappointment when reading this. I wish I could give you a hug. You are so right though about trusting HIM for everything. I look back on my worst night (almost 2 years ago) when I felt like I lost my son to a horrible addiction but I see where HE has brought us and I just cry with thankfulness because in my worst night HE was still there.

    Love you to pieces.

  2. I am so, so sorry for your loss. I love that you were able to truly learn to TRUST in the Lord with all your heart through this. This is a great example of how He can use even the toughest of times for His goodness and glory.

  3. Through the heartache & deep pain of my late husband’s suicide ..I see you. As the tears of remembrances fill my memory..I thank Him for His tender mercies & grace. That He was with you sister..in your darkest night as well. We can rejoice for those grace filled wings of He who sets our loss free.. that we may “hide” them & tell a powerful redeeming story.
    Our stories….Thank you Lord for emptying out the bitter to #refill us again with HOPE.
    Sending my love & prayers to you sister…right next to me under His Wings.

  4. Kristy–Thank you for sharing about a time from which you thought “I would never recover”. I have had those times too where I thought I would never get over something painful and hurtful, but gradually as I began to seek God to heal my wounds, I realized that God’s love and grace would heal and cover the wound and allow me to grow. I am thankful that God allows us that time to incorporate the pain and loss we experience in our lives and weave a beautiful story of His grace and love.

  5. Kristy,

    I’m amazed time and time again at your incredible faith. Your love for Him is immense, and it just oozes out of you. Thanks for sharing your hurt, pain, struggle, and crisis of faith. I’ll be praying for you, sweet one.

    Christa 🙂

  6. His grace is sufficient. That sums up what Renee has been trying to tell us in ACH up to this point. Thanks for summing up our chapter like that! Thanks for sharing your story…I know it is painful.

  7. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain that you went through during this time. Your story of healing and restoration is such a powerful testimony to the strength that can only be provided through the Lord. Thank you for being so open and willing to share. Love you!

  8. I understand that hopeless, questioning feeling so personally. We went through eight years of infertility and finally God gave us a son. My water broke just short of five months into the pregnancy. Our son, Samuel was born with a beating heart, but his lungs were too underdeveloped to take his first breath. Holding his lifeless, tender, tiny baby body was bitter sweet. Letting him go intolerable. But I believe God gave us that time to see that His gift was real after so many years of longing and infertility- had I miscarried any earlier and not went through labor, I wouldn’t have believed the miracle of him. For whatever reason, Samuel couldn’t live here with us. At any rate, it is like Abraham at Mt. Moriah with his Isaac. Do you give up the dream or do you give up on God????? My heart could finally only say, Lord, to whom else could I go? You alone have the words of eternal life. Not that it was easy. Not that I did not travel back and forth through every stage of grief, especially anger and questioning, but that in the end, at the final say when I walked that road of sorrow and giving up of the dream, there is no other One. No other love that does not fail me…even when it seems like he has failed me because my heart’s desire is taken away from me, there is no other One who loves me like He does. There is no One else who can forgive my deep sin. There is no other One. His love IS priceless and unfailing!

  9. One of my most favorite things to think about when I think of our AWESOME Abba, right under HIS wing. I don’t always understand the “why” but I do trust HIM. Thank you for sharing your heart!

  10. Kristy, my heart aches and breaks for you over your testimony, I cannot even begin to imagine I know what that pain and hurt would feel like but I can say that when you share your story~ and you are so real about your feelings… you give everyone hope! We can be upset and angry at God and He will still love us and never leave us and that even through our most devastating trials we will experience in this life on earth there is HOPE and LIGHT! You are a pillar of strength sister!!
    LOVE YOU!!!
    Stephanie

  11. Kristy,
    I am so sorry for you and your husband’s loss of your precoius baby girl. I understand the anger you felt during this time as I did when my father passed away. Then I realized God, I trust in you and what you decide. Praying for you and thank you for sharing this story. May God comfort and give you all peace and understanding. Love you girl!

  12. Kristy, Thank you for your beautiful words, keep writing to help with your healing. Thanks for sharing your heart. I can’t imagine. So thankful for his priceless love!

  13. Kristy, What a beautiful story of God’s great love even in the middle of our darkest moments. He really and truly never leaves us. I’m so sorry for the unimaginable pain of losing your daughter. What a wonderful reunion you will have one day. Thank you for sharing your life and His love with us. Blessings sweet sister. Love ~Shelly

  14. Oh Kristy this is so much like my sister that I have shared with you about. I wish I could get her to the point you are at.trusting in God. It has been 11 years and she is still so full of anger and hate. I just need to keep praying for her and realize there is hope.

  15. My heart aches for you. As I was reading your post, I was thinking about my own child I lost. I was 10 weeks pregnant when I miscarried. I was mad at God for doing this to me. Thank you for sharing your story.

  16. Sorry to hear about your loss but I have found we grow closer to HIm during those challenging times. I remember my miscarriage and it was such a shock to find out I was pregnant..and then just as quickly to find out I had miscarriage. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, feelings and experience with us.

  17. I have had 3 miscarriages, and after each of them. I got angrier, and angrier! I have broken through the anger and am now letting God heal my heart and soul! It is a process, but I truly trust that He is with me!

  18. I always try to read the first post in a blog hop. Thank you for your pure heart pouring out over the page. I am thankful for your story being shared, my mother also had one that was stillborn. She says she thinks of the baby everyday. You encourage me to find refuge and to let Him cover me.

  19. Wow you for you encouragement through your transparency. It is giving me hop that i can over come anger about my circumstances.

  20. thank you so much for feeling strong enough to share your story. I could feel your pain. I have not lost a child myself but I have lost my parents. It took me a long time to recover. I’m just so glad you shared and thankful for your courage and reminder to always turn to Him!

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