#Wholly Committed

wholly committed

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#Wholly Committed

 

Okay, so this could be interpreted so many different ways but to me this means every little and every big aspect of you and your life is devoted to God. Every. Single. Part.

 

I have struggled with fear pretty much my whole life. I went through a phase of panic attacks where my arms would go numb. My heart would beat relentlessly. My stomach would turn. I would feel dizzy. I couldn’t breathe. These panic attacks were one of the worst things I have ever gone through. I could not sleep. I felt trapped in my own skin. I was scared to drive. I was scared to be by myself. I was scared of everything.

 

Wikipedia says, Fear is an emotion induced by a perceived threat…In short, fear is the ability to recognize danger leading to an urge to confront it or flee from it (also known as the fight-or-flight response) but in extreme cases of fear (horror and terror) a freeze or paralysis response is possible.”

Fear gripped my soul and choked the joy right out of me. I was paralyzed to react in any healthy way. I was paralyzed to enjoy life and enjoy God. I felt everything was always in danger. Then marriage and children came along and it got worse.

 

So much worse….

 

How could I release these loves of my life to God who I can’t see? How?????

 

God? What are you asking me to do here? I mean these people came out of my body? You already got one, how can I trust you with my other 2 daughters and my husband? Mackenzy is already with you so how can I be sure you won’t take other people from me? Please tell me how because I would love to?

 

Okay God? Now people get in car accidents, have serious heart defects, and get diseases? Why is this still happening? I don’t get it! Cancer just sucks! Sorry for the bad word there, mom J If you love me why is all this happening? I mean I devoted my life to you and you take my daughter? Give another daughter a severe heart defect? Give me this awful panic disorder? Give my mom Lupus and a million other problems? Give my husband skin cancer? At least ¼ of everyone I know has cancer. I mean what?!?!?!?!

 

Then came obedience…

 

“Kristy? My daughter, trust me with everything!”

 

Radical obedience…

(The) radically obedient woman realizes she is righteous and will find God’s best when she pursues right choices that bring glory to Him. ~Lysa TerKeurst in What Happens When Women Say Yes to God.

 

“Radical obedience is not just following a list of right things to do. (It) is choosing to exchange what is “right” for God’s righteousness. ~Lysa TerKeurst

 

“There may come a time at some point in your life when you will need to decide between your will & His..” #SayWhat

 

All of this above was from the enemy. It doesn’t mean it does not still creep its ugly head because it will. Fear will LIE to you. It will deceive you and cheat you out of a joy filled life. It is a gradual renewing of your mind and trusting in Christ that will start to change all of this…

 

Slow. Gradual. Trusting. Renewing…

 

I can pinpoint exactly when I started to deeply be transformed. Apparently the enemy had been using salvation as a way of attacking me. I finally received the blessed assurance that I was the daughter of the Most High. We were at a revival in June 2009. I cried the whole service and had this fiery feeling inside. I can’t even describe it. Right before this I had been crying out to God like never before. I was confused and I needed something that said I am saved. There is nothing more that I desire than the Lord. I prayed all the time. I read the Bible everyday nonstop.  Back to revival, I walked up to the Pastor that the Lord used to transform me. He put his hands on me and began praying and then speaking in tongues. He said more Lord more Lord. He told me to quit doubting and keep being hungry in the WORD. BAM! I wept in joy. There it was. I had waited my whole life for this moment. That blessed assurance that I was His. After this, you would not have known who I was.

 

Honestly, these questions will still cross my mind until I intentionally take them captive. I have claimed myself a Christian since I was 11 BUT only recently have I started the intentional and daily journey of being #wholly committed.

 

So Yes Lord! I am wholly yours. I am wholly committed. I wholly trust You with everything! I release my family to You and trust….I certainly think the Creator of the Universe can handle my family. Even if it means they are not here with me on earth. Giving God everything is so risky but you have to trust so radically that it doesn’t matter because you trust that He knows best…

 

I am only here on this earth for a short time and my purpose here is to serve Jesus Christ who shed His precious blood and died a brutal death for me. All of these little deaths to myself feel like big deaths until I let go, now I am like that wasn’t bad.

 

I read in Anything by Jennie Allen that the very thought of doing anything demands everything! I am there. I am ready. God, anything and I say YES!

 

John 14:6 tells us, “I am the way. I am truth. I am life.” Think about that….really think about that.

Jennie Allen sums it up best, “Stepping out wholly dependent on God to COME THROUGH, stepping away from what is SECURE and comfortable exposes the holes in our faith. And then if God comes through, it expands our faith. Something about stepping off cliffs where God leads allows God the opportunity to move in greater ways. When we step off and he shows up, we see him differently than we would if we were standing looking over the edge.”  UHHHH WHOA

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#SAYWHAT

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#SayWhat

I could not decide whether to share a profound #saywhat moment that happened this week or a couple of small ones that happened just this week…

but I knew I just had to share Emilee Grace….

We had a stillbirth baby girl, Mackenzy, who did not even weigh 1lb. I delivered her on Oct 29, 2010. That experience was really hard for me. I went into an instant daze. I felt not of this world, I was shocked, I was confused, I was so mad, and I could not believe it. God, why did you take my baby? What did I do wrong? They said they were going to put me on the 3D machine just to make sure and I kept thinking, God make this a miracle.
Please God, I know nothing is impossible. I refused to believe it. After seeing the FLAT line beep across the screen where my little girl’s heartbeat should of been, I felt my life being pulled right from under me.

Why? How? What?

This exact scene still plays in my head today over and over.

I was given Prostaglandin then Pitocin to start contractions. I had a high fever and a lot of pain. The labor and delivery is all a blur. I only pushed a couple of times and my angel was born. After a few minutes my doctor said that she looked like her cord got tangled and pinched off blood supply. I should be taking my baby home with me and here I was preparing to call a funeral home. It was not fair!

I read a book by John MacArthur that rocked me to my core. He said that scripture weighs heavily toward the fact that innocent children are in heaven, redeemed, and dwelling in the presence of God. Mackenzy will never experience any pain on this earth, she is face to face with our Savior right now I had comfort in knowing the truth that every child conceived is a God-created and God-loved person with a God-given purpose and destiny. BUT this comfort took almost 2 years to come.

Fast forward 3 months…

We started trying right away. I was pregnant again. I can’t do this, Lord. Fear engulfed my soul. I kept hearing, “trust me, Kristy.” #SAY WHAT!!!Well, Lord, I did trust you once and look what happened!!!!!!!!!!!

I turned my head….I bought a doppler and listened to little Emilee’s heartbeat throughout the entire pregnancy. I was not trusting. Every time I did not feel movement I would chug a Dr. Pepper. I was obsessed. I was fighting the flesh, the world, the enemy and trying to do it in my own strength. Satan certainly came and devoured my life and he attacked me in my MOST VULNERABLE AREA. I was overwhelmed with fear. It was the worst 9 months.
Fast Forward to August 12, 2011

Emilee Grace was born at 8:10am and I was taken to recovery and was told she was perfect. Finally, I am back in my room and still Emilee was not in there. I kept bugging the nurses and they assured me they had an emergency and she was fine.

Hours later….

Well, Mrs. Aiken we had to put Emilee on the “sick bed.” Her oxygen is 80 and we are not sure what is going on. #SayWhat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God, #SayWhat??????????

Fast Forward 1 month later….

We are on our way to UVA because she has been diagnosed with pulmonary sling and is fatal when airways are obstructed. Not only that but they still can’t even find her left pulmonary artery on an echocardiogram. We were told open heart surgery would correct it. Are you kidding me? Lord, is this some sort of joke. I remember being in the shower and screaming at Him. I remember throwing shampoo bottles and crying out to Him. I remember sitting on the shower floor with the most empty feeling in my soul. A hole. A hole so big that I thought it would never be filled again.

At UVA Children’s Cardiology Hospital….
We are sitting in the echo with the doctor and nurse. They are looking for that artery to determine the best course of action. I am sweating. I am not trusting. I am mad. I am hurt. Why? How? Why did you do this to me, Lord? Why???? Why???

2 hours later….
They still have not found the artery but believe it to be there. Either way it is in the wrong place and will eventually block her airway and she won’t be able to breathe. My heart is in my throat. The anxiety and feelings can’t even be explained. The anger was hot and raw. My husband was squeezing my hand and we hear, “HERE IT IS.”

Hours later…
We hear something like this, “we are not sure exactly how the structures are weaving but they are weaving in a way that IS not obstructing any airways. Although by the location of the left pulmonary artery coming off the right pulmonary artery (which is not where it should be) there seems to be no concern. I think your daughter will be fine with no surgery required. #SayWhat

Why did I not trust God? I know all these #saywhat’s happened to GET where I am right now. I am learning to give God my family, the ones I love SECOND MOST! He is my all in my all. He is King of Kings and Lord of Lords. He is my Redeemer, Comforter, Creator, Helper, Salvation, Light, and Restorer. He knows what is best. Like Lysa says, God does not want half my heart. He wants it all and He wants to remove the things that stand in the way of that….

 

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Don’t forget…

 

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Disclaimer:

Since I am now going to be blogging please know I failed every grammar test and I am not a writer but I am a thinker and although I can’t get my thoughts on paper very well, God is telling me to try!!

 The surf. The sound. The waves crashing. The sea breeze. Ahhhhh

Why is the most perfect time to PRAISE GOD for the beauty do we get so wrapped up in vacation & forget the Creator of the universe???????

As we get ready to leave for Hatteras this weekend I am going to be intentional in bringing God with us. Don’t I want to teach the girls that God is everywhere and this vacation is a gift from Him? Instead of taking a vacation from everything, I want to dedicate this vacation to Him. I want my girls to know God is everywhere in the good and the bad. He goes everywhere we go.

The most important thing in teaching your children about faith is being the example. Show them you are still studying the Bible, still praying, still singing His Name, still praising Him, and still thanking Him.

My husband and I must show the girls that Jesus is Lord over our life everywhere we go and in every circumstance. Behave no differently in our Christian walk as we do at home. Maybe, even ooze Jesus a little more because we are thankful for a vacation in a beautiful place.

We can start as soon as we get in the car.

1.  Point out pretty things we pass and show them God’s beauty.

2. Find beauty in things you normally would not and this will rub off on your children and even on yourself.

3. Intentionally talk about God throughout the vacation.

4. Play worship music whenever possible

5. Bible lesson on creation on the beach

6. Have contests who can talk about Jesus to the most people during vacation.

7. Ask your kids. Who makes the ocean? Who makes the waves? Who makes the mountains?

8. I can’t even imagine a family devotion first thing in the morning ON THE beach!

9. BE INTENTIONAL

 

Honestly, I am so excited. This is the first vacation that we have intentionally prepared to make it about God.  I think there are 22 of us and this is the perfect week for ministering, loving, and praising.

His Hands & Feet,

Kristy

 

Ideas from http://www.nurturekidsfaith.org/2011/04/taking-god-on-vacation.html

 

 

 

I am working on the girl’s travel packs using several ideas from Pinterest. I will do a blog post on those when we return!

http://desertchicaramblings.com/2013/06/kids-travel-activity-tray-travel-tuesday/

 

 

How can we not sit & be still with Him…

Wow. What a day yesterday?

The specifics don’t really matter but it is in those “desperate” moments that I am so grateful to my Living Father that He has instilled in me a desire and hunger for quiet time with Him.

This is hard.

This has to be intentional.

The outside world bangs on every door we have. Fleshly desires take over and hope seems lost.

I have finally learned what quiet time really means. It is not just quietly studying the Bible. It is total and complete surrender of mind and body to God.It takes me usually 40 minutes to get to this point nightly. When I can finally surrender my mind to God something beautiful and unexplainable happens. It is this refreshing of the soul and renewing of the mind that will see us through the difficult times.

I can’t even say in words how critical this quiet time is in our Christian walk or better said in our personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Most of the praying and Bible studying is prideful and self-centered anyway so don’t we owe some moments a day to completely let ourselves fall into His arms. I mean to totally let go and free fall right into the HANDS of our Lord& Savior.

Yes. God. Yes. I. do. I. just. Want. You.

 

quiet time

The Countdown Begins……..

Honestly….I have no clue why everyone is not RUNNING WITH PERSEVERANCE TO http://bit.ly/1ac1afQ

Don’t you just love how our Father works. You have access to 10’s of thousands of Jesus girls to support, pray, and love with AND YOU DON’T HAVE TO LEAVE YOUR COUCH!

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Go. Now. Quick.

Our weekly menu for Feb 3. . .

Aiken Family Meals (Feb 3 to 12):

We change a few of the ingredients to healthier or lean versions and omit breads and carbs where possible.

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Dinners

  1. Stuffed Pizza Burgers with sweet pot fries

(http://pointlessmeals.blogspot.com/2013/01/stuffed-pizza-burgers.html)

(http://www.theartofdoingstuff.com/guaranteed-crispy-sweet-potato-fries-sriracha-mayo-dip/)

  1. Crockpot Cheese Tortellini

(http://littlefellows.blogspot.com/2011/11/best-crockpot-meal-ive-tried-yet.html?m=1)

  1. Crockpot Balsamic chicken and Vegetables (use red bell) over rice

(http://www.greenwoodgrove.com/2012/03/balsamic-chicken-vegetables.html)

  1. Spaghetti Squash Casserole with rotel, ground beef and ricotta cheese

(http://recipes.prevention.com/Recipe/spaghetti-squash-casserole.aspx)

  1. Roasted Vegetable Stacked Enchilada

(http://www.perrysplate.com/2011/03/stacked-roasted-vegetable-enchiladas.html)

  1. Slow Cooker bacon wrapped Apple BBQ Chicken with cauliflower mashed pots

(http://www.sixsistersstuff.com/2011/08/slow-cooker-bacon-wrapped-apple-bbq.html)

  1. Dorito casserole

 (http://twomaidsamilking.blogspot.com/2011/04/hunk-of-meat-monday-taco-bake.html

So many opportunities to grow…

The online community can be overwhelming. There are so many options and choices but it can also be such a blessing. I am honored and blessed to be a part of some wonderful online BIBLE studies.

Wanted to mention the 3 current studies:

1. Melissa Taylor’s Online Bible Studies

Let It Go by Karen Ehman

http://melissataylor.org/

2. Good Morning Girls

Gospel of Luke

http://www.goodmorninggirls.org/

3. Hello Mornings

http://inspiredtoaction.com/resources/hellomornings/

 

These have all currently started but I recommend checking them out for the next studies. They are awesome! Some of my dearest friends have become these women who I have never even met:-)